pictures and stuff

ok so my weekend was fun.. chilled w. sandy, john, matt, and jason on friday.. got drunk.. drank yummy cosmopolitans.. yay! on sat. me john and jason went over to nik and megans for her bday bas.. lope, tim, keri, dave, and tony were there.. got drunk.. again.. yay.. haha.,. sunday me, john, my mom, matt jason, and sandy went to the lake and chilled.. we got drunk (see the pattern? hahah ^_^ ) at popeyes and swam around.. jumped on the orange floaty thing trying to walk on it.. heheh.. i invited nick n meggers to come. but alas.. they did not.. oh well.. im going to call them and maybe go see them later today oh yay! pictures!!heres john and me (notice his hair.. it is now cut off!) : heres a picture of megan that i was going to put up the other day.. but here it is now heheh (she has longer hair now ! ) : heres a picture of jason.. he should be a model.. the lady @ the bus stop in san antonio said so haha!! an heres just a cool juxtaposed pic of me hahah hmm someone remind me to put up pic of matt and nick.. next time hahah im out ^_^ late

Chicken grease in the drain again

Damn the man. I know John loves me!! He let me cut his hair!! O_o !! I know its wild.. but yeap.. his hair is cut... For those of you who dont know..,. his hair is (WAS!!!) longer than mine!! Here's a pic of my hair : bt it actually a little longer than tha now cuz that pic is a wee bit old.. But yeah. his hair is gone.. GONE I tell you.. And he let ME cut it.. is he madd? Hahah just kidding..I can cut hair.. heheh. I trimmed Megans hair the other nite in the dim porch light w/ no comb hhah! skills.. no im kidding.. but yeah his hairs cut.. and he likes it!! yay!! and I LOVE it!! yay!! Ill post a pic of his hair as soon as we get this film developed.. Grarr so in other news.. is there other news? Uhmm not really.. Me and John are going to see Megan today for hr b-day shin-dig and everyone n their momma will be there probably and I dont know what the tension level is up in the madness but Im sure everything will be fine.. I got Megan a Good Charlotte cd for her b-day.. She liked it. Im glad.. I love Megan cuz she's so deliciousssssssssss .. hahah.. poo pooo pooooo heres a pic of Megan but her har is a lot longer now too hahah..WTF never mind.. now I'm mad.. Like two of my folders on Yahoo photos are like.. not there.. just gone I tell you.. Whats up w/ that? Well boo I dont have a pic of Megan now until I upload all them damn pics again.. But I'll do that soon .. so its all good.. Heres some crap I wrote.. I kinda like itShivery sweeteach day resembling more of the lastas day turns to niteturns to falli watch the leaves danceleaving red and gold tracersimprinted in the mindcrushed beneath my weathered stepsthe cold air is inviting in many waysleaves my lungs burning with cleanmy mind cleared for the first time in monthsi can think without feeling redundant in my discourse.and the sun twists bowing under the earthand day leaves us againscreaming onto a china mans dreamsand leaving us lost in the shadows wishing on yesterdays starsspring...and i feel almost safe.close to completionunder your hands being molded i feel there is no barrierjust skin on skintiptoe through the thought processit reminds me of that songthat you can never remember the words tobut leaves you with the taste of springon the tip of yur tongue and a sweet melody in mindfrolic in the high grassthe rains begin and i feel boxed indreary weather for a not so calm personastrip my clothes and invite youlets make mud angelsunder the pelting spring rainamidst the clover and honeysuckle bushesand nite seems to dissapeareach day growing longer in our freedomthe rains dryonce disliked now a memoryof being in your armstogether and dirtybut i never felt so cleani feel you never leftjust like the sun never didyou seem to be in likeness with the suni frolic through the last spring daysawaiting the pools to open and good fishing on the lakelooking high for my new found friendbut like the spring flowers you bloom quickly and leave my with a sweet scent in mindbut no fresh cut flowers for my vase in the morningnight jumps into controland keeps me insidewhere it is safe from goodbye'si stop smelling the air for your returnand become content with that which surrounds mesummer slams me to the groundknocking my breath away leaving my thoughts stickily swimminghot in the back of my mindand justified in wanting the ACyou seem to be a hot day'sroad mirrage that you always seebut quickly disapears right before you reach itlike the rainbows i used to chasebefore my sister told methat there is no leprachaunno goldand no end of the rainbowi remember cryingthinking i had been duped againremembering picking cloveralways searching for that fourth leaf brings my mind to remember youour spring flingbut summer has comeand where does it leave us?the hot sun scorches down on usmelting us to the earthjust wax figures waiting to be demolishedby the harsh sunclose the eyesfeel the flameand smell the flowers once againthe end damnit ^_^ - Late

IM BACK!!!!!!!!!!

Well well well... Im back YAY!!! I had fun? Kind of? Tee hee.. Well I had fun .. The only thing that sucked was walking everywhere/getting a suburn/ and running out of money... But other than that I had a blast.. the first night we took the bus downtown and chilled at the river center... BUT!! DUN DUN DUN!!!.. (tee hee) we issed our bus back.. and we ended up walking like a mile to the Bandera Bowl .. but in the end we hitchhied a ride the last .005 mile of it from some doods in a truck who ended up knowing Jason. So anyway we went bowling.. met his cousin (she kool ^_^ ) and her friends... It was koo.. The second day we went to Ingram and then to Underground Sound.. We ended up buying tickets to go to a parti in Austin... 8-Bit @ Asylum.. YAY!! It was FUN!!! It was mainly house music and the house-o-holics were there and John was kool cuz it was his first party and he caught some vinyl the DJ threw out.. It was a small party but really fun..and then we drove back to SA and stayed the nite @ his cousins..The next day we chilled out @ his cousins, went downtown and went shopping and crashed early @ his sisters cuz we were madd tired n stuff... yay! so anyway... Uhmm.. monday we went to Northstar (and DAMN! if I never see another mall again I'll die expolsively happy ^_^ ) and uhmm yeah.. We actually dindt DO too much.. we tried to hit up the art museum but it was closed on Mondays (BOO!!) but yeah.uhmm and today we drove back. All in all I had fun.. Next time I'll bring more $ and have a CAR!hahah... but wlking around downtown and takin the bus n stuff was FUN! yay... Me and John got into it while we were down there...I made him cry.. Im such a bitch-whore.. But things are back ok with us I think? Im staying home tonite yay! and tomorrow Im going to sandy n james' cuz james is going to NTC so we're getting drunk.. I miss Nick and Megan.. GGRRRAARRRR they bettter call me!!! ^_^ Late

I am so fucking lost.....

Diese Zusammenfassung ist nicht verfügbar. Klicke hier, um den Post aufzurufen.

I am so fucking lost.....

MANNNNNNNNN.. damn the insanity of it all.. I am feeling repressed, distressed, and under duress.. John's been staying the last few days with me, and hes been the only thing good going on for me right now.. I miss Nick and Megan.. Im leaving Friday til Tuesday.. and I want to see them .. But I think theyre fighting.. and I dont want to get in the middle of it.. Damnit.. I hate it when they fight..Because I love them both soooooooo much.. They are some of the REALEST people I know.. They are awesome.. But lately things have been "off" with them -_- .. You know how someone from the outside of the relationship can see into it and thru it better than the people involved in it? Yeah well.. I feel like Im watching all this go down from inside a cloudy smoke filled room.. and the harsh bluntness of it all stings my eyes.. so I look away.. Its not my business rite? Rite... I could give a relationship analysis to them and tell them what "appears" to be the problem.. but what good would that do? The messenger gets crucified. and Im not up to date on current events with them anyhow b/c I havent talked to them in a couple days.. So fukk the fukking fukkers. GRRR.. I have this pressing feeling inside me to run down my street screaming and running in front of a car. Me and John got in our first fight the other day. I told him that I thought I was fukked up b/c I KNOW he loves me more than I love him. I actually foresaw this all.. I knew if we ever hooked up.. John being who he is.. would become all mushy and smother-ie.. And it drives me crazy sometimes. I need my space sometimes.. And sometimes he'll come up to me and just want to hug me.. and Ill be a bitch and push him away. And he gives me this hurt look.. then gets all pissy for like two seconds.. and then hes right back to normal in no time flat.. We also fought b/c i told him that I feel fukked up b/c I find myself looking @ other people.. and wanting to be with those people... And we all know how much of flirt I am.. And you know what he said that REALLY hurt me? He said " Well I knew getting with you that there might be a chance of you hurting me. " And I was like.. damn.. so he thinks I am capable of cheating on him and stuff like that... GRRR.. In some ways being with your best friend sucks..b/c he already knows EVERYTHING about me.. and he has already heard my not so clean nice and innocent past with boys.. In other words.. I was a total bitch to past bf's/hookups ... I led guys on.. juggled like 2 or 3 guys at once.. on occaison cheated... and lied to them.. and John knows all this.. So now I wonder if he thinks I would do the same to him.. I wonder sometimes if I would... B/c I know myself.. I ALWAYS fukk up everything good that happens to me.. intentionally.. It gets too close for comfort so I decapitate it and eat its heart.. Im evil like that I guess.. And it scares me.. b/c I really LOVE John... And I worry that one day.. Ill get irritated with him.. or bored with him... and I'll mentally revert to my old evil ways.. GRRRR Im such a fukkin bitch. GRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRR And then Im like damn.. Its this early in the relationship and Im thinking this shit already? But then he touches me... kisses me.. hugs me.. holds me.. And I get the tingles and I feel so much Love for him that I think I'll burst with happiness.. I dont know.. GRR .. OK .. Im going to sleeep...... Mfffggghrrruugllmm ^_^ Late

My fantasy CUM true hahahah ^_^

SO yeah.. I went to the carnival on Sat. with John, Megan, Lope, Tony, Tim, and Keri.. and Dave made a guest appearance too ^_^ .. It was fun and I rode this one ride that flipped you all upside down and around and I screamed so much the guy running the thing was like "are you ok?" when I got off. I was all shakey and my heart was racing for like 9 years afterword.. It was SCARY.. But I had fun cuz like all me and my friends do is sit around at one ofour houses and drink and play video games and watch movies.. So it was nice to actually go out and DO something for once.. heheh.. But Iwish Nick could of been there -_- .. GRRRAAARRR... So anyway yeah.. Uhmm ok then I was @ Sandy and James' house and I saw this porno that had a dude in it that looked JUST like Tony.. I swear it was him.. hahah.. So yeah Uh.. I went to Sandy and James' tonite to see John and get drunk.. Jason and Matt were there.. and I got drnk realllllly fast. And then we walked downstairs to leaveand Jason and Matt were SPOINKING in Matts car.. And even better..!!!! Jason gave Matt a BJ and I got to watch.. It was super sexy.. And madd kool that theyre so open about it u know? So anyway that was a MAJOR highlight of my weekend!!RIght now John and Jason are staying the nite @ my house.. which is fun fun fun!! This weekend me John and Jason are going to San Antonio from Friday til Tuesday and we're gonna go to the SAINT which is like a bad ass gay club in SA and Im going to hit on all the drag queens haah.. SO yay! This weekend is going to be AWESOME!! yay!! Hmm Im going to go cuz John's here and he looks bored.. I love him ! !! Late ^_^

IMPORTED THOUGHTS

I dont know what happened to some of the stuff I wrote in that last entry.. maybe b/c i had it in "< - >" 's ?? but it dissapeared.. and I want the world to know that after I talked about the mewling kitten noises me and megan were making.. i said that i got a new kitten!! his name is Donut.. and hes hella rambunctious and cute and all.. but hes still a punk ^_^ ..ALSO i mentioned I got a turtle.. a red eared slider as a super belated b-day gift from Dave.. and his name is Dork and he's awesome ^_^ AND ALSO.. after I sed I though Megan was a skanky bitch when I first met her,, I sed that we all know that I now love her and want 3.14 of her babies and to "get in her pants" hhah.. ok with lil bit of knowledge cleared up.. i am off to bed.. and to cuddle with Donut and wish John were here -_- ... Late ^_^AND DID I MENTION I LOVE MEGAN? ^_^ tee hee

WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING!!

GRARR GRARR GRARR.. damnit I need to be sleeping.. I got to go for that job thing at Goodwill today.. GRRRRRRRR.. damnit.. I went and hung out with Megan and Lope last nite.. We chilled and Lope started playing R. Evil 3 for game cube and it was madd scary.. We had the lights off b/c the game is dark and everytime a zombie came in the room me and Megan were like " OH NO! RUN!!" and making little scared melwing noises like kittens. [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<btw [...] he's>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]GRARR GRARR GRARR.. damnit I need to be sleeping.. I got to go for that job thing at Goodwill today.. GRRRRRRRR.. damnit.. I went and hung out with Megan and Lope last nite.. We chilled and Lope started playing R. Evil 3 for game cube and it was madd scary.. We had the lights off b/c the game is dark and everytime a zombie came in the room me and Megan were like " OH NO! RUN!!" and making little scared melwing noises like kittens. <BTW I have a new kitten ^_^ his name is Donut and he's a brat but adorable.> <I also got a turtle the other day from Dave as a super belated b-day gift.. His name's Dork and he's awesome !! He's a red eared slider> But back to last nite.. yes.. so anyway.. we were all skurred n shit.. and then Lope died like the second time and I guess after that we were "un-entranced" by the power of the game. I promised Megan to stay til dawn, but I broke it cuz John made me pissy.. well Dawn really.. and I wanted to go home so I could call him and be like "what tha hurrr".. Well yeahSo me and Megan were talking last nite, and I was telling her how I thought she was a mega skank bitch when I first met her <of course we all now know that I love her and want 3.14 of her babies> but yeah.. and then I was telling her about how at first John and me hated each other.. He thought I was an annoying loudmouthed bitch.. and I was ^_^ still am sometimes.. ^_^ .. so anywayThen we were talking about paranoia.. I was telling her how I always think that people can really read my mind and see all the really fucked up things I think .. It scares me. I'll be thinking something un-PC and I'll be like :wait! they can read my mind so I need to stop thinking about this!: so then I'll go "tunafish" in my head and think of other stuff.. Its crazy I know.. but whatever.. Megan was telling me about how she constantly thinks ppl are out to "get her" and how she found this listing for a disorder online that describes it .. so now shes paranoid about being 'clinically' paranoid... hahah. I have the "tired sillies" as Megan calls it.. The state where youre tired, but not.. and you get all giddy and loose feeling in the cranium.. Its not an altogether bad feeling albeit somewhat the normal for me ^_^ hahah....I miss John.. I talked to him about Dawn calling him and stuff.. GRR I dont know.. BRB Donut is mewling...Damn my kitten is a PUNK!! heheh.. anyway where was I ? Damnit I lost my mojo.. I was on a roll there.. haha.. Uhmm yeah.. John.. Dawn..GRR see they went out.. and now me and John are together.. and it bothers the fuck out of me that she still calls him b/c everytime she does some new drama gets started and all I want is for me and John to be happy , together, and drama free.. GRRR .. I told John last nite that I didnt want him talking to her.. and then I felt like shit b/c Im trying to justify to myself that its the drama and not jealousy.. GRR.. I also told him that Im jealous of the fact that he "loved" her.. And he told me that the more hes with me .. the more he realizes that what he thought was love with Dawn and Lacey wasnt.. Which placated a lot of my bullshit jealousy. I feel like such a tard. I AM NOT A JEALOUS PERSON DAMNIT.. and John gives me ABSOLUTELY no reason to be.. I KNOW he would never ever ever cheat on me.. We've been best friends for years now and I know him too well.. He's super sensetive and sweet. he just got stuck w/ bitch ass g/f's.. Hmmm..I remember me and John used to always be like " damnit.. I want to be with someone exactly like you.. but not you.. you know?" and we knew exacty what we meant. And now we're together and I couldnt be happier. I realize that all my pent up emotion towards Jess was bullshit in comparison to the love I feel for John. I couldnt figure out what it was I felt for her, so I deemed it love. And maybe I was wrong? Maybe I wasnt.. I still care about her a lot..But shes such a bitch.. GRRRR... but yeah.. I love John with all my heart.. And its crazy.. b/c for the first time in my life.. I can see a future with someone.. I can see myself with him forever.. And its perfect.. Im not too young.. not too old.. I know the world.. I know what I want.. And I have it.. He's right there.. and here.. where he aways was the whole time.. Sometimes I sit and wonder why I didnt see it sooner with John.. Why I didnt make the move a long time ago.. but then I think that it was exactly timed.. so that we'd be ready for this change in our realtionship... I cant explain how I know.. but I !KNOW!! that we are soul mates.. And damnit let me shut the fuck up.. Im embarrassing myself with all this bullshit.. and we all know that Leila is a strong advocate for anti-love.. hahah.. But damn what can I say? Im sprung.. And with that.. Im out.. Late ^_^

yeah and that too.. BIATTCH...

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's CraftyAre you a ho? Find out @ She's CraftyWould you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's CraftyWhat's Your Style? Find out @ She's CraftyWho are you? Find out @ She's Craftyyeahhhhhhhhhthere ya go mannnn ^_^ late

SINFUL DEMON GET OUT

An email that proves that John.. my knight in shining leiderhosser.. is just as screwed in tha head as me.. yes its true.. there are two ppl the world that are this fukkin up.. hahah ^_^Subject: SINFUL DEMON GET OUT!!! .....Help me fuzzy bumpkins Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 07:00:46 -0400 From: DevilSmurf666 To: PRINCEZLEILA420@aol.com « Previous | Next » Hey Superbabe,Hows everything in superhero land...while im chillin here at lonely old Villan Castle where all my fiends have been put to sleep in their rooms till dawn and I am the only one left (im going to be a writer one day)......haha yea right like when I teach Truth to do a backflip. Man I should be quiet so I dont wake anyone up....but everytime Its quiet I just want to yell.....AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!<------Like that but in a more vocal sence...tee hee tee hee. You know by the time two weeks is up I think im going to turn clostrophobic cause this place is so small....Heh Heh Rarrr..Heh Heh MUST MOVE!!!...Heh MUST YELL!!!!...uhhhh yea some people these days...yea what got into that guy??..Anyway I dont feel like Ive done anything constructive today so I know If I tried to sleep right now I would just feel like I needed to be doing something LIKE YELL UNTIL EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS AWAKE!!! (oops teehee sorry) So I decided that writing you would make my day feel complete..Yes your being used but you have no choice but to sit there and like it..Thats right and dont you try to stop me with your lazer vision..What was that all about???..I dont know..Shut up.....NO you shut up...Who me???..Yea you!!. Oh sorry back to you. You know Im slowly starting to discover that I could never be put on a deserted island. You remember the story I told you about the Giant turtle with my Mansion on its back (if you still dont know its the one where you turn into a mermaid) Well I changed my mind the turtle will now have to be floating in that giant sea we call the sky..so when i get all by myself I can look down at all the millions of people running around on that place we call here..(or earth). Now that your thinking HOLY JIZZUM OF THE SEVENTH WONDER OF THE WORLD what the fuck happened to my man while I was at the bat cave, I just want to let you know that Even after my brain turns to the slushy of a jello melt I will still Love you...(oh is that so)..Well uh yes maam it is if I do say so myself. You know what I need to do in times like this..I need to make myself an Imaginary friend..hmmmmm WILLLLSOOOONNN!!!...nah that wont do..It should have a different name. What do you think I should name it?? Yea thats it, the next time I talk to you were going to make an imaginary friend ok all we need is a name K. That way when we get old and feeble and go insane then we can realy start thinking that there is someone there. I just hope the little people that live in my hair dont get Jealous. You know what??? I just read over this e-mail right quick and It makes almost no sence at all but thats ok...I hope you still like it. It sure is keeping me entertained. You know its actually good that Im over here cause Sandy and James have to take these classes since they get food stamps and the class makes them have to go looking for jobs on certain days and when they go to do that then I can go with them and look for jobs too. They may be getting all the shit they ne ed to be able to drive legaly in their car too so mabe just mabe if they do that soon enough then I might see if I can convince James to let me take my driving test in his car. Thats if I can get myself to feel comfortable doing that. I just need to put some more thought in to that. Well Im going to go ahead and try and do that thing that people call sleep so I can try and have sweet dreams about your sessay self. I hope you can make it over here tomorrow Superbabe so you can save me from missing you at the villan castle.LOVE ALWAYSThe Man from the place close to Munchkin Land (Kansas)JOHNP.S.I LOVE YOU MOST :P

ok or not...

Well Im still bored and I think Dave's out so Im going to go ahead and keep typing... I got random words floating somewhere in my head and I dont know where they are coming from..Well maybe I do...Mayeb Im just drunk?? But I dont want to admit it... I feel like I have to keep this secret.. And I dont want to.. I hate keeping secrets about myself.. Im normally pretty open about everything that goes on with me...And I hate not being true to myself.. Im not going to spill the beans on this one however because it would seriously compromise myself in a lot of ways and that is no bueno... -Live the life..And dont forget where you came fromI walk alone in the shadowsof a blissful unionWaking each day Discovering all that was wrongwith myselfonly to be merely coincidental to the factthat I am alone in my thoughts.Each new passing of a dawnbrings me closer to realizing new truthsabout myselfand those I love.I have grown accustomed to the dark.I dont wish to say that I am not happy.Far from that actuallybut not decisively.Creeping in the shadowsI live the life.My life.And hope that when the sun rises it will be enoughfor me to know that soon it will be nite again.Aquainted with lonelinessI thought that was my weakness..But I see new flaw with each rotation of the Earth.Sweat soaked dreams lull me intoa false realitywhere life is not fickleand I am in harmony with my emotion.Day light scorches my eyes and Ibelieve that I am only sustained through the silenceof driving down that endless stretch of roadalone in my carevery nite just to placatethe feelings of resentment.Turn the music up and just drive.I only wish I never had a destination.Arriving each time a little lessof what I want to beand a little more of who I think I should be.Turning down the mirror in my rearviewso i can get stuckin the random glimpses of myself trying to catch meoff gaurdunpreparedfor what might be there.My eyes look darkerin the nightBut I know they are still the same coloras every day before the last.I chain smoke life.Feel the burning sensationlight my lungsthe amber glow in the rearview.And KNOWthat this is the way I should be.Alone and driving on a continuous searchsmoking in solitudeserene and calmfor once.Pondering how it could be.Getting lost in fantasy of tomorrow.Thus I arrive at my destination.Blinking into wakefullness.And regretting my decision to park.And live the life.. for another day.Mann whered all that come from? I have no idea.. Maybe theres more on my mind than I previouslt thought? Well whatever.. Ill sort it out someday.. Late ^_^

with cheese please ^_^

SOOOOOOOO... Im over here at Nick and Meagnss and its Nick birthday party. and Im chillin as always... like a villian.. Yessssssssss... And Megan made yummy ass burgers and Nick made spinach dip and then Meagan had made a cake with the candles shaped like a penis.. funny funny.. I miss John.. He's over at Sandy and James house.. Thats always funnnnnnnnnnnnn... yessssssss... Hmmm... Im pretty fukkin drunk.. Nicks drunk, Meagsn @ Keri's heating up bagel bites Daves sleeping behind me, Lope is high, Tony's high. Tim's drunk.. everyone is away from where I am and Im bored.. But Im goign to stop wiritng now cuz I think my loud ass typing is bothering Dave... Hmm.. Well I just want to say...... I miss John.. And I love him ever so much.. and maybe Im just drunk.. or maybe not?? But he is the greatest thing since DSL.. hahah... Late ^_^

Damn the Mexican Flavored Pretzels to Hurrrrr!!!

Yeah.. Uh yeah.. I dont even know what to type about but whatever.. Hmm My weekend was... interesting as always.. ^_^ ... Hmmmm.. I miss Nick and Megan. They're in San Antonio , they come back today tho so yay! They took Vince w/ them, grrr.. I never get to go !_! boo hoo.. jk its all good.. and u know this mayun..!! Megan is so funny.. ^_^ .. She makes me giggle.. a lot.. And Nick is just.... well, he's Nick. need I explain? Hmm so yeah.. I kicked it w/ John like all weekend ^_^ It was fun.. We did a buncha stupid nonsense.. I want to go to the lake.. but it's already gettin late in the afternoon BOO!! Me and John bought this really kool blacklight/glow in the dark puzzle and we're puttin it together n shit.. Pretty interesting..Everytime I watch Requiem for a Dream I want to do drugs.. Is that a bad thing? I mean.. in the movie they're junkiez w/ fucked up unhappily ever after endings.. but yet.. i still wanna do the drugs...Nick and Megan need to watch this movie.. If they come back, then maybe I'll go kik it and we can all watch it. Hmmm.. It sez John's online.. but he's not damnit.. He's jus dl-ing songs... GRRR.. I love that kid.. I bought him a rose last nite when we were @ Wal-Mart @ like 3am.. He said no one's ever bought him a rose before.. Im glad I was the first then ^_^ ... GRR. Love is weird!!!! Hmmm Im reallllllllly worried about Jason and Matt.. No one's heard from them.. and last we heard MAtt lost his job, and they were supposed to be movin out on their own w/ Jason's tax return.. so Im worried they took the $$ and flew the coop to far far away.. Why do I have the feeling they would do something like that and not tell anyone.. hmm.. I dunno.. I miss Jason. He's never around anymore.. But whatever... OK Im gonna go to the park and swing... Late ^_^

My biznitch iz tha shizznit

Ok.. Me and John are chillin here at his house.. and uhh yeah.. He's gonna tell y'all a lil story.. a story about love, a story about dreams, and a story about realzing the truth fter like forever and a day.. or whatever.. Here's John--How should I start this? Well, " do I say that .. Are we going from the story when we were camping?" [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ok [...] says..>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]Ok.. Me and John are chillin here at his house.. and uhh yeah.. He's gonna tell y'all a lil story.. a story about love, a story about dreams, and a story about realzing the truth fter like forever and a day.. or whatever.. Here's John--How should I start this? Well, " do I say that .. Are we going from the story when we were camping?" <OK now I'm jus typing what he says.. OK ..> " We were camping.. and everyone had went to sleep except for us... and we were cuddling like we always do.. and talking.. <more cuddling than talking I think!!> " .. and we could not sleep.. ummm... <now he's looking at me me like Im crazy and he has no idea what to say?> " somehow our noses ended up touching and we started eskimo kissing.. for a verrry long time.. and I remember my heart was beating really fast.. <mine was too!> and.. I think it just happened at the same time and we both just started kissing each other.. it was like one of those movies.. and.. then we stopped for a minute.. <I laughed..heh> " and you also said "that was crazy.." ... and then we kissed again.. <and it was AWESOME> *johns laughing at me* ". and.. then we looked at each other and decided that we needed to talk.. and pat's old punk ass woke up.. and he had no idea what was going on. but we just kept looking at each other funny.. I actually thought Pat knew for a mintue there, but I realized the other day that he actually didnt when I told him.. And then when Pat finally decided to go back tot he tent, after he got a drink, we sat on the tables.. witht he wind blowing.. and I was freezing my balls off at first, but we decided to cuddle with each other insdie the blanket... and.. once we started talking.. I realized that I wasn't cold anymore.. <John pauses in the story and goes *mwah hah ha ha ha ha*> <he says its my turn to tell parts of the story.. now.. >Ok now its me typing and Leila telling the story...John types really slow but its ok...So anyways we were chillin and cuddling...John keeps going ahhhhh when he makes a typo.. and I was telling him that i didnt know what to think and then he told me that he loved me. Which I already knew because I loved him too, and we talkied for a little while and we talked about being together and he told me that he knew that this was right and it made me feel better. Uhmmm...and we decided to try and be together but first we had to tell Dawn and Jason.. <It was really alot more magical when its not being typed>..and we were scared to tell them cause we were scared to hurt them. But we knew that we were ment to be--*kiss kiss*--and we'll finish this later cause Sandy and James r here hahahahaha

Yessssssssss

Take the What High SchoolStereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel. You're a bit of a paradox. You try to get everyone to like you, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. You usually wind up being the mediator; both non-menthol and menthol alike can be understood by you. It takes a special kind of person to smoke just you however, and you're still waiting.Find out what cigarette you are. Take the Cigarette Test byGirlwithagun

oh yeah...;

BTW before I forget... Did I mention that John n Dawn broke up? Yeah,,. shes a skeez.. damnit.. late...

Poopie

Wellll.... its been awhile and a lots happened..My # 1 kiddo in the rainbow gang passed away on Sat. -_- .. sigh. it sucks fukkin ballz and then I found out today that his mom ----BITCH!!!!!--- cremated him and had servies for him YESTERDAY.. grraarrr.. its that fukkin grrreat? Man. so nayway.. I feel really bad for Rick.. Taco sez that he wont even talk to anyone .. which is fukkin horrible.. Hopefully he'll be ok? I dunno.. So anyway.. Im over here @ Nick n Megans house.. and Daves staring over meih shoulder.. heh .. ok now he's gone.. whatever.. but yeah.. he wants me to go smoke.. brb.. MMMMMMMMMMM.. it smells splendiferous in Megans kitchen.. shes makin home made chicken pot pies. mmm.. chicken... *drool*.. so anyway yeah..I talked to J the other nite... we went riding around and ended up chillin in tha bed of his truck lookin up @ tha stars.. sweetness.. GRR... MMMMM sessah...^_^Yeah.. ok.. what else while Im here.. hmmmmmmmmm.. ok.. Like Im jus chillin.. now.. listenin to Lope go pee pee in tha bathroom... heheh.. Guys pee too loud.. heheh.. Now like Dave Nick and Aaron are up in here with me.. so Im feelin kinda.. uhhh.. close mouthed... GRARR...^_^Anyway.. Ive been feelin down n out all weekend.. but whateva.. I'll get better.. Me thinks? I dunno.. I jus feel terrible for Rick..heheh.. now Im going to see Dave's opinion of "the apitomy of the essence of me.. Leila at his best.." or so he says.. It's a blk n white pic of me.. like.. hmm.. ok? Anyway.. its madness over here so Im out like.. hmm.. out like.. white out? heheh ^_^ Late

Okiez...

So anyway.. I thought I'd shortly recap on my weekend.. I had fun.. Ok on Thursday... I went to John's and we chilled there it was Sandy, James, John, Jason, Matt, Anne, and me.. And Matt's car was acting all crazy.. Hmm I looked cute that nite I had on a tie ^_^ And uhhh.. yeah we ate pizza and chilled and what not... Ok Friiiiiiday... hehe.. Me, John, Sandy, James, Tim, Aaron, Don, Bob, and Rhonna? (I dun remember.. Bob's wifey) ... Yeah we all went out to the lake.. and whe we get there.. there's patrol all spotlightin every little nook n cranny up in there so we ended up goin to that dood Don's uncle's 100 million acres of party land out on Paddy Hamilton, or something... And we got blitzed.. Well I know I got blitzed.. I dunno about everyone else.. but I was trashed... I got suuuuuuuuper drunk that nite cuz Jess made me feel like poo... But whatever... J and J ... Both of you make me feel like poo... ^_^ Andddddddddddddddddd DOOD! Dood from Alice n Chains OD'd.. which sucks cocks n balls.... BAHHHH..SO then last nite... I was supposed to go see KriticKill w/ J... but John and Dawn broke up so I went to see him... And of course me and J got into it cuzza that.. Bahh.. but he still loves me.. he got me a signed Kritic Kill cd. and picked me up drowning pool too ^_^ . He's too great.. Even when he's mad at me, he still does totally nice stuffs for me... Well anyway poopie heads.. Im out.. Late ^_^

Communication Involves Listening..... Darn..

Ok..Here's the deal with this one.. Me and J got into it the other day.. And Im always late updating this thing but whatever.. Ok so yeah we were arguing cuz he wanted me to break my plans for him.. Which was NOT happening... Soo. Anyway.. I was venting to John and I was on the phone and for whatever reason I started typing my side of the convo on Micro Word. And it ended up being incrediblely funny soo... here it is... My side of the convo.. &*&*reminds readers that I cant type as fast as I talk so some parts are all kinds of nonsense...&*&*For I was like déjà vu Im like I am not your girlfriend hes all like.. I don’t know but that shit when he said go your boyfriend you aint even my man cuz im fro real im nobodys bitch I cant do that.. if that the way it is then fukk it,,, I cant do it.. I don’t want to do it.. I cant believe .. he had the audacity to fukkin be like oh your boyfriend.. I don’t know what the fukk….. fukk that I cant do that.. why the fukk do I have to you know change my plans I already plans and its not like I see Jason and matt all the time .. I hate when he acts like this hes like too posessive to me.. I don’t know.. I just feel like he needs to take a reality check for real. Cuz im not tha one… ya know? Im gonna put this in my journal.. I cant believe him. Who the hell does he think he is? And why do I care.. you know what im sayin how does he think he can just come back in my life and like flip tha script I aint no bitch.. some of it.. I don’t know..and then its like I got plans I got plans with with you know you guys I im not changing that,, why should I .. who is.. theres like a lot of typos.. a lot of repeats oh hellllllll… another call.. &*69.. we’re sorry the # number cannot be reached by this method? Bob marley? what? Yeah uhh huh.. but I dunno man.. I just don’t see how this is gonna work if its like this.. you know? Bird trippin? What? Shut up.. I don’t know I jus feel like.. its like not gonna work.. im mean.. we’re like barely even on good terms from that last shit and here he is… jus being an ass,.. all over again.. what do I do? Hahh.. what the fuck dawg.. what do I do for real.. ? come on .. help a nigga out.. what do you… think I should dooooooo… duhhhhhhhhh…. Yeah.. I know rite? I know.. we’re not even goin out.. I don’t know.. sometimes i feel I gotta run away.. well I dunno I wanna be his friend. Shit I want to be .. I want be more than thaT.. U KNOW?> I WANT WANT TO BE EVERYTHING.. BUT I … I jus dont see how itll work.. you know? It gonna be really funny. Im soo puttin this in my journal; and I hope I hope his ass reads this.. yeah you muthafucka.. you reading? This is for you … bitch.. john sed that.. hah.. yeah why not? He wont care.. hes not like.. I don’t why the fuck am I defending him? Explain that.. I know.. I do like him.. what am I gonna do? Don’t call me daughter.. pearl jamming… hahah/.. wanna hear it here it go.. hah.. uh oh po pos in tha hizzouse.. mah shnigguh.. shnigguhs not a word a word. Its highlights in this word shit.. its all redJessica..??? I don’t know.. I haven’t talked to her.. I don’t think its goin anywhere… I hate her a little but more.. does that count..? ive seen her.. I ignored her.. yeah.. I don’t know.. it sucks.. I have no idea.. do you think matt n Jason will show up tonite.???. if they don’t ill kill them for real.. ill be so madd. I never see them,, what? Po pos at ur house? WHAT?? Hahahahah…. Aww why he gotta be a dork? Steve urkel.. hah.. country dance? What? Madness.,.,,, hahah.. that’s funnay… hahah.. narrrfff… fukkin truck.. u got a fukkin truck.. it is a pickup truck/.. and I know u like to fuck.. face down ass up.. hahahah… whatever.. yeah.. im typing everything dawg.. I miss some words but I got most of it.. I want to remember being mad at him.. I want to remember exactly what was going on in my head.. you know? So I don’t jus let it go.. whats ew? WHATS EW? Eww… that is eww… hahah… white trucks? Earls white truck.. oh yeah!!!!!! No im not putting nuthin.. the only people who will ever know the truth is me and you john… no one else is ever gonna be able to figure this out.. but that ok.. who cares? That’s why its my journal rite? This is good shit o put in there. I should do this all the time.. its kinda hard though.. I need a secretary.. hahah// yeah a sexy one.. hah… fat one? You said a daddy fat one? Hahah… hahah,.. ok you wanna hear it.. ok this is the end of this.. the ennd.. hahahAnd there's my side of that.. damnit! Late ^_^

WOW

Wow. ok.. a lot has gone down in the las few days.. Me and my bitch got into this HUGGGGGGGGGGE argument and it was really ugly.. I called her a slut and a bitch and told her that she didnt love me and fuck her ect ect.. and she had the odacity (sp?) to tell me!! that she loved me and I didnt love her!! Can you believe her? WTF.. I told her that I would cut off my arm and sew it back on again, cut it off again, eat it, throw it up, put it back together, and sew it back on again to be with her.. Is she just senile ? This is what I get for messin w/ older evil slut bitches...But seriously.. Another part of me thinks I deserve this because 1. I always talked so much shit about people falling in love and how they were stupid ect.. 2. She was married when I first started fukkin her, so maybe this is a lil karma goin on... Buttttt!!!! There is other news... I talked to mister man... I knew that would happen too... And it was reallllllllllllly good.. We didnt argue.. We just talked.. Got a lot off our minds.. and I think we sort of made peace? No future plans of a hook up or anything.. but at least we're speaking... Hmmm.. I dont know...And now for the HORRIBLE!!! news.. I am in serious poop with the HH PD... I got a letter for me to appear in court on the 30th regarding the paperwork for that insurance thing... All I can say... Uh oh... Im in serious trouble.. I called my mom.. ===== BTW mom's in AZ rite now.. she left yeterday======= and she was like " Well , we'll figure it out... It'll be ok.. I'll take care of it.. " I hate relying on my mom to shelter me all the time.. but I have NEVER in my whole life been so happy to hear those words.. EVER!! Ok in other random news.... Uhmm.. Nick and Megan are in Michigan for like a week... Aaron is in DC til Sunday , then maybe Kansas after that?? .... Tim and Keri are in Florida - her mom's in a coma -_- ---- my mom's in AZ... Seems like everyone's somewhere but me... Oh well.. I still got John to be a porch monkey with me.. Hmmmm what else.. Im pretty bored today.. I'll probably paint Tweakers dog house.. It'll be something to do... I want to go swimming.. Tonite me, John, Sandy, James, Matt, and Jason are supposed to chill. We'll probably go out to the island at the lake.. But I know I aint swimming.. They just found that kid's body out there.. -sigh- I went to highschool with that kid.. He was only 19.. Drowned... Fukked up world isnt it? Well.. I'm off... Late ^_^

Well whatever...

Ok tonite sucks big donkey choad.. Heres tha deal.. Last nit I went out.. had fun.. Went to see John and play pool with him, Pat, and this new friend Bob? ^_^ ... It was fun.. Bob was a pool shark.. and I sucked horribley.. so it was incredibley funny.. I saw Fisker there.. He was there with a bunch of friends and I said hi and whatever cuz he was at the pool table right next to us.. I know John wanted to know who he was... but us chicks like to keep some things to ourselves ^_^... So anyway.. My sister ACTUALLY for real turned 21 today!! Its crazy.. So me and my mom and KK and Mundo went to Applebee's to eat and OH MY GOD.. it was hilarious.. First off you cannot put me my mom and my sister all in the same room and not expect us to act like complete morons.. but when you add some HUGE margaritas into the mix.. it gets even funnier... May I be the first to say that my mom is the muthafukkinmaddness.. She is insane.. I think she got slightly buzzed cuz she started talking about muck-a-lucks and making sandals with beads.. and then five seconds later she was telling everyone within earshot of how my sister mistook some kid in the mall 90 million years ago to be Michael Jackson and threw fit.. "Mom!! Its Michael Jackson!!" ^_^ LMAO So.. of course I had to have the people there embarrass the shit out of KK and sing to her.. They made her stand up and everything.. It was hilarious .. because she was horrified... and drunk... ^_^..So anyway.. did I mention that throughout this whale day I hadnt slept? I stayed up for like 36??hours... I was soooooooooooooooooooooo tired after I had a full belly.. But I knew I had to go out and party w/ my sis for her birthday.. Well.. I didnt make it.. I passd out into a damn coma almost as soon as we got home.. and now here I is.. Not with my sis -_-.. and very awake... MADNESS... They should have like pounced on my head or something and kept me awake.. I feel so bad for missing out on this... Im a punk! -_-... Well anyway.. I havent talked to u know who yet... I miss him.. And it sucks.. But Im giving him his space.. GRRRAAAARRRR!!! Well anyway.. Im outta here.. Late ^_^

So Fake

Well fuck everything I said earlier about coping well.. It's over... He cant deal with my feelings for Jess. And I can't pretend that they're not there... So there it is. Fuking RAW. It's over. I dont even know if we can be friends. I dont know if I want to be friends. A word of advice... Never pick up guys from Wal-Mart.... Damn I guess I shouldn't be so hard on him. Did I honestly just expect him to wait around for me forever? To just roll over and let me stick the proverbial tire iron up his ass.. No. I didn't .. This has been in the making for the past week I suppose. Everytime I talked to him there was a distance. A feeling of compliancy. Fuck that. And fuck me... For being so stupid. How could I let him go? He wasnt perfect.. And thats what made me want him... Damn.. Maybe I should just be a lesbian for real instead of wishing I could edit 1/2 the gender war out of my grasp. I have an easier time getting my heart broken by chicks than I do being happy with guys. With a guy who actually cared. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I wish I could get over Jess. It makes no sense?!!? I know if Jess were a guy... I would leave *him* in a heart beat for treating me like this.. for someone who would respect me and be what I needed them to be to me. But no matter how hard I tried... AND I TRIED... I'd have to say in 2 years this was the first time I actually wanted to progress in a relationship with someone other than Jess.. But no matter how hard I tried.. I couldn't do it.. I FUCKING HATE JESS FOR MAKING ME SO WEAK... But this is what I deserve.. What I need.. I need to stop pretending like I can replace my feelings for Jess with semi-emotional relatonships... So there you have it.. I'm on strike.. Im not going to be inerested in... talk to... go out with.. be with ANYONE until I get over Jess.. It's not fair to the poor shmucks I like.. or me.. So yeah.. It's official.. I'm reclusing myself into emotional celibacy. I'm going to work this out... And stop putting it off.. Stop pretending that my love for her will go away if I just see someone else. And finally... Get over her... I have faith. I can do this... Cuz this hurts too much to do again.. I'm never going to give up someone because of Jess again... If it takes me years to get over her, then so be it...No more games. No more lies to myself... No more hurting people.. God I didnt want to hurt him... Well the ball is in his court now.. If we're to be friends then it's on him... I'm no going to ask him for anything... I dont deserve anything from him... Hmm.. Maybe this resentment toward Jess for all this will make me get over her... I hope so... Because Im never doing this again.. Ever.. Emotions arent made to be played with... Damn and he was soooo fine.. ~_~ Late...

I was all by myself... I was thinking about you...

Im going to cut my stupid hair off.. Damn the promises to John and everyone else.. it is highly pissing me off... I've been feeling like total crapp-a-pooey lately.. I havent gone anywhere.. Seen anyone.. I havent even talked to anyone except John.. Bahh.. KK's birthday is on Sat. She's turning the golden year, 21. Yay for her!! She came home piss drunk tonite crying about wanting a chicken sandwich from Jack N Tha Crack.. with cheese.. eww.. She threw up all over Mundo's car... poor kid. Supposedly they gave her 2 bottles of champagne but every time she tells the story the # of bottles goes up. Tomorrow it will be 22.. hahah.. I stayed home all nite and did my laundry.. yay! hahah.. I probably should have called Nick since Megan's out of town and she asked me to make sure he wasn't burning down the house while she was gone. Hah. But I haven't felt sociable at all lately. Sorry Nick..So anyway. I'm bored.. I've been feeling extremely creative lately. I don't know where it's all coming from. Being an aries though I'm supposed to be someone who turns their extreme emotions into some kind of creation. So maybe I'm extremely emotional without knowing I am. A lot has been going on lately. And I think I'm dealing with it pretty good. Maybe better than I should be? Maybe I'm just misplacing .. misdirecting.. my feelings.. I feel strangely calm about all the chaos going on though. My love life is in utter ruin. But I'll get over it. I had an interesting talk with John the other day and we *discovered* that in the past two years .. *Which I'll call the Jess years* ... I have a quaint little habit of sabotaging any kind of relationship I start with anyone. Unconciously I have been ruining my own relationships. And the more I look at it.. The more I realize that its true. I totally have been. So who do I blame? Me ..? Or Jess for stealing my heart? Me of course. My subconcious didn't want me to be with anyone but her I suppose. And I don't. I'm totally in love. Damn.. It still sounds extremely funny admitting that. Denial makes you an emotional wreck and acceptance makes you more clear headed than you've been in 2 years? Thats the case with me...Well I have no more words for the evening.. morning? Late ^_^

Bahhhh

I didnt do shit today.. I stayed home and threw up all day... Eww.. I talked to Aaron earlier.. He was @ BC getting throwed w/ that raver dood John.. I talked to my John too.. Him N Dawn were arguing.. again? Yeah I went to Johns the other nite and scanned them doodles.. So now my doodles are on the web.. Heaven help us all.. But yeah.. madness is what madness does... And so forth.. I will write in this more often.. Damnit.. But Im tired.. so late ^_^

Would you like fries with that?

Diese Zusammenfassung ist nicht verfügbar. Klicke hier, um den Post aufzurufen.

testing testing 1 2 3

yeah...