I was all by myself... I was thinking about you...

Im going to cut my stupid hair off.. Damn the promises to John and everyone else.. it is highly pissing me off... I've been feeling like total crapp-a-pooey lately.. I havent gone anywhere.. Seen anyone.. I havent even talked to anyone except John.. Bahh.. KK's birthday is on Sat. She's turning the golden year, 21. Yay for her!! She came home piss drunk tonite crying about wanting a chicken sandwich from Jack N Tha Crack.. with cheese.. eww.. She threw up all over Mundo's car... poor kid. Supposedly they gave her 2 bottles of champagne but every time she tells the story the # of bottles goes up. Tomorrow it will be 22.. hahah.. I stayed home all nite and did my laundry.. yay! hahah.. I probably should have called Nick since Megan's out of town and she asked me to make sure he wasn't burning down the house while she was gone. Hah. But I haven't felt sociable at all lately. Sorry Nick..So anyway. I'm bored.. I've been feeling extremely creative lately. I don't know where it's all coming from. Being an aries though I'm supposed to be someone who turns their extreme emotions into some kind of creation. So maybe I'm extremely emotional without knowing I am. A lot has been going on lately. And I think I'm dealing with it pretty good. Maybe better than I should be? Maybe I'm just misplacing .. misdirecting.. my feelings.. I feel strangely calm about all the chaos going on though. My love life is in utter ruin. But I'll get over it. I had an interesting talk with John the other day and we *discovered* that in the past two years .. *Which I'll call the Jess years* ... I have a quaint little habit of sabotaging any kind of relationship I start with anyone. Unconciously I have been ruining my own relationships. And the more I look at it.. The more I realize that its true. I totally have been. So who do I blame? Me ..? Or Jess for stealing my heart? Me of course. My subconcious didn't want me to be with anyone but her I suppose. And I don't. I'm totally in love. Damn.. It still sounds extremely funny admitting that. Denial makes you an emotional wreck and acceptance makes you more clear headed than you've been in 2 years? Thats the case with me...Well I have no more words for the evening.. morning? Late ^_^