WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING!!

GRARR GRARR GRARR.. damnit I need to be sleeping.. I got to go for that job thing at Goodwill today.. GRRRRRRRR.. damnit.. I went and hung out with Megan and Lope last nite.. We chilled and Lope started playing R. Evil 3 for game cube and it was madd scary.. We had the lights off b/c the game is dark and everytime a zombie came in the room me and Megan were like " OH NO! RUN!!" and making little scared melwing noises like kittens. [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<btw [...] he's>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]GRARR GRARR GRARR.. damnit I need to be sleeping.. I got to go for that job thing at Goodwill today.. GRRRRRRRR.. damnit.. I went and hung out with Megan and Lope last nite.. We chilled and Lope started playing R. Evil 3 for game cube and it was madd scary.. We had the lights off b/c the game is dark and everytime a zombie came in the room me and Megan were like " OH NO! RUN!!" and making little scared melwing noises like kittens. <BTW I have a new kitten ^_^ his name is Donut and he's a brat but adorable.> <I also got a turtle the other day from Dave as a super belated b-day gift.. His name's Dork and he's awesome !! He's a red eared slider> But back to last nite.. yes.. so anyway.. we were all skurred n shit.. and then Lope died like the second time and I guess after that we were "un-entranced" by the power of the game. I promised Megan to stay til dawn, but I broke it cuz John made me pissy.. well Dawn really.. and I wanted to go home so I could call him and be like "what tha hurrr".. Well yeahSo me and Megan were talking last nite, and I was telling her how I thought she was a mega skank bitch when I first met her <of course we all now know that I love her and want 3.14 of her babies> but yeah.. and then I was telling her about how at first John and me hated each other.. He thought I was an annoying loudmouthed bitch.. and I was ^_^ still am sometimes.. ^_^ .. so anywayThen we were talking about paranoia.. I was telling her how I always think that people can really read my mind and see all the really fucked up things I think .. It scares me. I'll be thinking something un-PC and I'll be like :wait! they can read my mind so I need to stop thinking about this!: so then I'll go "tunafish" in my head and think of other stuff.. Its crazy I know.. but whatever.. Megan was telling me about how she constantly thinks ppl are out to "get her" and how she found this listing for a disorder online that describes it .. so now shes paranoid about being 'clinically' paranoid... hahah. I have the "tired sillies" as Megan calls it.. The state where youre tired, but not.. and you get all giddy and loose feeling in the cranium.. Its not an altogether bad feeling albeit somewhat the normal for me ^_^ hahah....I miss John.. I talked to him about Dawn calling him and stuff.. GRR I dont know.. BRB Donut is mewling...Damn my kitten is a PUNK!! heheh.. anyway where was I ? Damnit I lost my mojo.. I was on a roll there.. haha.. Uhmm yeah.. John.. Dawn..GRR see they went out.. and now me and John are together.. and it bothers the fuck out of me that she still calls him b/c everytime she does some new drama gets started and all I want is for me and John to be happy , together, and drama free.. GRRR .. I told John last nite that I didnt want him talking to her.. and then I felt like shit b/c Im trying to justify to myself that its the drama and not jealousy.. GRR.. I also told him that Im jealous of the fact that he "loved" her.. And he told me that the more hes with me .. the more he realizes that what he thought was love with Dawn and Lacey wasnt.. Which placated a lot of my bullshit jealousy. I feel like such a tard. I AM NOT A JEALOUS PERSON DAMNIT.. and John gives me ABSOLUTELY no reason to be.. I KNOW he would never ever ever cheat on me.. We've been best friends for years now and I know him too well.. He's super sensetive and sweet. he just got stuck w/ bitch ass g/f's.. Hmmm..I remember me and John used to always be like " damnit.. I want to be with someone exactly like you.. but not you.. you know?" and we knew exacty what we meant. And now we're together and I couldnt be happier. I realize that all my pent up emotion towards Jess was bullshit in comparison to the love I feel for John. I couldnt figure out what it was I felt for her, so I deemed it love. And maybe I was wrong? Maybe I wasnt.. I still care about her a lot..But shes such a bitch.. GRRRR... but yeah.. I love John with all my heart.. And its crazy.. b/c for the first time in my life.. I can see a future with someone.. I can see myself with him forever.. And its perfect.. Im not too young.. not too old.. I know the world.. I know what I want.. And I have it.. He's right there.. and here.. where he aways was the whole time.. Sometimes I sit and wonder why I didnt see it sooner with John.. Why I didnt make the move a long time ago.. but then I think that it was exactly timed.. so that we'd be ready for this change in our realtionship... I cant explain how I know.. but I !KNOW!! that we are soul mates.. And damnit let me shut the fuck up.. Im embarrassing myself with all this bullshit.. and we all know that Leila is a strong advocate for anti-love.. hahah.. But damn what can I say? Im sprung.. And with that.. Im out.. Late ^_^