IMPORTED THOUGHTS

I dont know what happened to some of the stuff I wrote in that last entry.. maybe b/c i had it in "< - >" 's ?? but it dissapeared.. and I want the world to know that after I talked about the mewling kitten noises me and megan were making.. i said that i got a new kitten!! his name is Donut.. and hes hella rambunctious and cute and all.. but hes still a punk ^_^ ..ALSO i mentioned I got a turtle.. a red eared slider as a super belated b-day gift from Dave.. and his name is Dork and he's awesome ^_^ AND ALSO.. after I sed I though Megan was a skanky bitch when I first met her,, I sed that we all know that I now love her and want 3.14 of her babies and to "get in her pants" hhah.. ok with lil bit of knowledge cleared up.. i am off to bed.. and to cuddle with Donut and wish John were here -_- ... Late ^_^AND DID I MENTION I LOVE MEGAN? ^_^ tee hee

WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING!!

GRARR GRARR GRARR.. damnit I need to be sleeping.. I got to go for that job thing at Goodwill today.. GRRRRRRRR.. damnit.. I went and hung out with Megan and Lope last nite.. We chilled and Lope started playing R. Evil 3 for game cube and it was madd scary.. We had the lights off b/c the game is dark and everytime a zombie came in the room me and Megan were like " OH NO! RUN!!" and making little scared melwing noises like kittens. [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<btw [...] he's>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]GRARR GRARR GRARR.. damnit I need to be sleeping.. I got to go for that job thing at Goodwill today.. GRRRRRRRR.. damnit.. I went and hung out with Megan and Lope last nite.. We chilled and Lope started playing R. Evil 3 for game cube and it was madd scary.. We had the lights off b/c the game is dark and everytime a zombie came in the room me and Megan were like " OH NO! RUN!!" and making little scared melwing noises like kittens. <BTW I have a new kitten ^_^ his name is Donut and he's a brat but adorable.> <I also got a turtle the other day from Dave as a super belated b-day gift.. His name's Dork and he's awesome !! He's a red eared slider> But back to last nite.. yes.. so anyway.. we were all skurred n shit.. and then Lope died like the second time and I guess after that we were "un-entranced" by the power of the game. I promised Megan to stay til dawn, but I broke it cuz John made me pissy.. well Dawn really.. and I wanted to go home so I could call him and be like "what tha hurrr".. Well yeahSo me and Megan were talking last nite, and I was telling her how I thought she was a mega skank bitch when I first met her <of course we all now know that I love her and want 3.14 of her babies> but yeah.. and then I was telling her about how at first John and me hated each other.. He thought I was an annoying loudmouthed bitch.. and I was ^_^ still am sometimes.. ^_^ .. so anywayThen we were talking about paranoia.. I was telling her how I always think that people can really read my mind and see all the really fucked up things I think .. It scares me. I'll be thinking something un-PC and I'll be like :wait! they can read my mind so I need to stop thinking about this!: so then I'll go "tunafish" in my head and think of other stuff.. Its crazy I know.. but whatever.. Megan was telling me about how she constantly thinks ppl are out to "get her" and how she found this listing for a disorder online that describes it .. so now shes paranoid about being 'clinically' paranoid... hahah. I have the "tired sillies" as Megan calls it.. The state where youre tired, but not.. and you get all giddy and loose feeling in the cranium.. Its not an altogether bad feeling albeit somewhat the normal for me ^_^ hahah....I miss John.. I talked to him about Dawn calling him and stuff.. GRR I dont know.. BRB Donut is mewling...Damn my kitten is a PUNK!! heheh.. anyway where was I ? Damnit I lost my mojo.. I was on a roll there.. haha.. Uhmm yeah.. John.. Dawn..GRR see they went out.. and now me and John are together.. and it bothers the fuck out of me that she still calls him b/c everytime she does some new drama gets started and all I want is for me and John to be happy , together, and drama free.. GRRR .. I told John last nite that I didnt want him talking to her.. and then I felt like shit b/c Im trying to justify to myself that its the drama and not jealousy.. GRR.. I also told him that Im jealous of the fact that he "loved" her.. And he told me that the more hes with me .. the more he realizes that what he thought was love with Dawn and Lacey wasnt.. Which placated a lot of my bullshit jealousy. I feel like such a tard. I AM NOT A JEALOUS PERSON DAMNIT.. and John gives me ABSOLUTELY no reason to be.. I KNOW he would never ever ever cheat on me.. We've been best friends for years now and I know him too well.. He's super sensetive and sweet. he just got stuck w/ bitch ass g/f's.. Hmmm..I remember me and John used to always be like " damnit.. I want to be with someone exactly like you.. but not you.. you know?" and we knew exacty what we meant. And now we're together and I couldnt be happier. I realize that all my pent up emotion towards Jess was bullshit in comparison to the love I feel for John. I couldnt figure out what it was I felt for her, so I deemed it love. And maybe I was wrong? Maybe I wasnt.. I still care about her a lot..But shes such a bitch.. GRRRR... but yeah.. I love John with all my heart.. And its crazy.. b/c for the first time in my life.. I can see a future with someone.. I can see myself with him forever.. And its perfect.. Im not too young.. not too old.. I know the world.. I know what I want.. And I have it.. He's right there.. and here.. where he aways was the whole time.. Sometimes I sit and wonder why I didnt see it sooner with John.. Why I didnt make the move a long time ago.. but then I think that it was exactly timed.. so that we'd be ready for this change in our realtionship... I cant explain how I know.. but I !KNOW!! that we are soul mates.. And damnit let me shut the fuck up.. Im embarrassing myself with all this bullshit.. and we all know that Leila is a strong advocate for anti-love.. hahah.. But damn what can I say? Im sprung.. And with that.. Im out.. Late ^_^

yeah and that too.. BIATTCH...

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's CraftyAre you a ho? Find out @ She's CraftyWould you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's CraftyWhat's Your Style? Find out @ She's CraftyWho are you? Find out @ She's Craftyyeahhhhhhhhhthere ya go mannnn ^_^ late

SINFUL DEMON GET OUT

An email that proves that John.. my knight in shining leiderhosser.. is just as screwed in tha head as me.. yes its true.. there are two ppl the world that are this fukkin up.. hahah ^_^Subject: SINFUL DEMON GET OUT!!! .....Help me fuzzy bumpkins Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 07:00:46 -0400 From: DevilSmurf666 To: PRINCEZLEILA420@aol.com « Previous | Next » Hey Superbabe,Hows everything in superhero land...while im chillin here at lonely old Villan Castle where all my fiends have been put to sleep in their rooms till dawn and I am the only one left (im going to be a writer one day)......haha yea right like when I teach Truth to do a backflip. Man I should be quiet so I dont wake anyone up....but everytime Its quiet I just want to yell.....AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!<------Like that but in a more vocal sence...tee hee tee hee. You know by the time two weeks is up I think im going to turn clostrophobic cause this place is so small....Heh Heh Rarrr..Heh Heh MUST MOVE!!!...Heh MUST YELL!!!!...uhhhh yea some people these days...yea what got into that guy??..Anyway I dont feel like Ive done anything constructive today so I know If I tried to sleep right now I would just feel like I needed to be doing something LIKE YELL UNTIL EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS AWAKE!!! (oops teehee sorry) So I decided that writing you would make my day feel complete..Yes your being used but you have no choice but to sit there and like it..Thats right and dont you try to stop me with your lazer vision..What was that all about???..I dont know..Shut up.....NO you shut up...Who me???..Yea you!!. Oh sorry back to you. You know Im slowly starting to discover that I could never be put on a deserted island. You remember the story I told you about the Giant turtle with my Mansion on its back (if you still dont know its the one where you turn into a mermaid) Well I changed my mind the turtle will now have to be floating in that giant sea we call the sky..so when i get all by myself I can look down at all the millions of people running around on that place we call here..(or earth). Now that your thinking HOLY JIZZUM OF THE SEVENTH WONDER OF THE WORLD what the fuck happened to my man while I was at the bat cave, I just want to let you know that Even after my brain turns to the slushy of a jello melt I will still Love you...(oh is that so)..Well uh yes maam it is if I do say so myself. You know what I need to do in times like this..I need to make myself an Imaginary friend..hmmmmm WILLLLSOOOONNN!!!...nah that wont do..It should have a different name. What do you think I should name it?? Yea thats it, the next time I talk to you were going to make an imaginary friend ok all we need is a name K. That way when we get old and feeble and go insane then we can realy start thinking that there is someone there. I just hope the little people that live in my hair dont get Jealous. You know what??? I just read over this e-mail right quick and It makes almost no sence at all but thats ok...I hope you still like it. It sure is keeping me entertained. You know its actually good that Im over here cause Sandy and James have to take these classes since they get food stamps and the class makes them have to go looking for jobs on certain days and when they go to do that then I can go with them and look for jobs too. They may be getting all the shit they ne ed to be able to drive legaly in their car too so mabe just mabe if they do that soon enough then I might see if I can convince James to let me take my driving test in his car. Thats if I can get myself to feel comfortable doing that. I just need to put some more thought in to that. Well Im going to go ahead and try and do that thing that people call sleep so I can try and have sweet dreams about your sessay self. I hope you can make it over here tomorrow Superbabe so you can save me from missing you at the villan castle.LOVE ALWAYSThe Man from the place close to Munchkin Land (Kansas)JOHNP.S.I LOVE YOU MOST :P

ok or not...

Well Im still bored and I think Dave's out so Im going to go ahead and keep typing... I got random words floating somewhere in my head and I dont know where they are coming from..Well maybe I do...Mayeb Im just drunk?? But I dont want to admit it... I feel like I have to keep this secret.. And I dont want to.. I hate keeping secrets about myself.. Im normally pretty open about everything that goes on with me...And I hate not being true to myself.. Im not going to spill the beans on this one however because it would seriously compromise myself in a lot of ways and that is no bueno... -Live the life..And dont forget where you came fromI walk alone in the shadowsof a blissful unionWaking each day Discovering all that was wrongwith myselfonly to be merely coincidental to the factthat I am alone in my thoughts.Each new passing of a dawnbrings me closer to realizing new truthsabout myselfand those I love.I have grown accustomed to the dark.I dont wish to say that I am not happy.Far from that actuallybut not decisively.Creeping in the shadowsI live the life.My life.And hope that when the sun rises it will be enoughfor me to know that soon it will be nite again.Aquainted with lonelinessI thought that was my weakness..But I see new flaw with each rotation of the Earth.Sweat soaked dreams lull me intoa false realitywhere life is not fickleand I am in harmony with my emotion.Day light scorches my eyes and Ibelieve that I am only sustained through the silenceof driving down that endless stretch of roadalone in my carevery nite just to placatethe feelings of resentment.Turn the music up and just drive.I only wish I never had a destination.Arriving each time a little lessof what I want to beand a little more of who I think I should be.Turning down the mirror in my rearviewso i can get stuckin the random glimpses of myself trying to catch meoff gaurdunpreparedfor what might be there.My eyes look darkerin the nightBut I know they are still the same coloras every day before the last.I chain smoke life.Feel the burning sensationlight my lungsthe amber glow in the rearview.And KNOWthat this is the way I should be.Alone and driving on a continuous searchsmoking in solitudeserene and calmfor once.Pondering how it could be.Getting lost in fantasy of tomorrow.Thus I arrive at my destination.Blinking into wakefullness.And regretting my decision to park.And live the life.. for another day.Mann whered all that come from? I have no idea.. Maybe theres more on my mind than I previouslt thought? Well whatever.. Ill sort it out someday.. Late ^_^